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Loneliness and night
Jun. 9th, 2003 03:38 amJosh has been gone since Tuesday and each day has been a bit harder than the day before. He's gone back to California to get the things he left behind when he came out to live here. The biggest problem is his dad.... who I believe to be a championship asshole! He refused to ship anything without Josh being there. And once Josh was there he stalled so long that it seemed doubtful that he'd ever move his ass to help.
Today was the final though... Josh finally got fed up enough to take independent action and it spurred his dad to help. It should never have reached that straight though. It makes me so mad and is so frustrating that I can't be there to help as I want to.
Sometimes I feel adrift...not sure what I should be doing. Am I doing enough for Josh? Too much? I just don't know. I do know that he needs to build a life independent of me. To make friends, find a job, go to college. Then I run head long into his ignorance. It's not deliberate ignorance, by any means. Just... everything that parents should teach their kids... he missed out on.
I want him to have these experiences too. Not have to be an instant adult. *shakes head* It doesn't help that the weather has sucked for almost 6 weeks... one storm after another. Almost no sunshine. Even if we wanted to it's hard to give each other any privacy.
Mom is pretty frustrating too. Apparently I'm the only one who can do what she needs... even if it's just feeding the cat! Now she wants to wire a buzzer so she can call me easily. MEH! There are just soooooo many things that need doing that I feel constantly overwhelmed. The house is regularly trashed and it seems like Josh and I are the only ones even TRYING to do anything about it. Would it kill Aaron or Kim to lend a hand occassionally?!? You'd think so by the way they act.
I'm praying that Josh will be home soon...this past week has just sucked entirely too much! I'm going to try and sleep now, wish me luck.
Today was the final though... Josh finally got fed up enough to take independent action and it spurred his dad to help. It should never have reached that straight though. It makes me so mad and is so frustrating that I can't be there to help as I want to.
Sometimes I feel adrift...not sure what I should be doing. Am I doing enough for Josh? Too much? I just don't know. I do know that he needs to build a life independent of me. To make friends, find a job, go to college. Then I run head long into his ignorance. It's not deliberate ignorance, by any means. Just... everything that parents should teach their kids... he missed out on.
I want him to have these experiences too. Not have to be an instant adult. *shakes head* It doesn't help that the weather has sucked for almost 6 weeks... one storm after another. Almost no sunshine. Even if we wanted to it's hard to give each other any privacy.
Mom is pretty frustrating too. Apparently I'm the only one who can do what she needs... even if it's just feeding the cat! Now she wants to wire a buzzer so she can call me easily. MEH! There are just soooooo many things that need doing that I feel constantly overwhelmed. The house is regularly trashed and it seems like Josh and I are the only ones even TRYING to do anything about it. Would it kill Aaron or Kim to lend a hand occassionally?!? You'd think so by the way they act.
I'm praying that Josh will be home soon...this past week has just sucked entirely too much! I'm going to try and sleep now, wish me luck.
